Divided Nation

Rochester and Strewth, Emily, what were you

thinking of?

***

Only Sing When You're Winning

Very pleased to announce the launch of our new band:

3 Plebs and a Toff.

Our debut single will be a cover of the classic by

Europe: The Final Countdown.

***

The Colour Of Blood

Don't worry, Ed. When I see Ralph

I won't let on how you've sold out Socialism.

***

Copping The Oath

We promise to spout bollocks,

total bollocks,

and nothing but bollocks.

***

See also:  Stop And Smear.

Heat Of The Moment

People have a choice:

they can either wear their jumpers or eat them.

***

The Dough Bringer

Do I use a breadmaker?

Several actually. They all work in the City.

***

Eton Mess

I am delighted to welcome Paddy - it's

a confirmation of our Toff-on-Toff strategy.

***

Let Them Eat Burgers

Scrumptious. Austerity fries with a

Bullingdon Burger.

***

The Mitchell Effect

You know you'll have to take it through the

side gate when you leave.

***

What's In A Name?

Labour:  Bedroom Tax

Conservative:  Spare Room Subsidy

UKIP:  Immigrant Benefit Freebie

***

Closer Examination

I am re-writing history before it is made.

***

Going Dutch

Is this the Jubilee line... or the Abdication Line?

***

One Rule...

The Strivers to the Right - 328.

The Shirkers to the Left - 262.

The Strivers have it.

And the Shirkers seem to have gone home.

***

Happy New Year, Guvnors

Fireworks at the Houses of Parliament:

looks like Guido Fawkes is still at it.

***

Picture Of The Year

Just to let you know, Dave, I'm not

going to hang around for long.

***

Tactical Awareness

It's just like my government: all spin and own goals.

***

If The Cap Fits Up...

Not been there.

Not done that.

But... got the T shirt anyway.

***

Constabulary Duty

MITCHELL: Could you open the gate, please?

COP: Password...?

MITCHELL: Place.

COP: That's last week's.

MITCHELL: Er... Government...?

COP: Yesterday's.

MITCHELL: Oh, right. Plebs...?

***

The Very Long Arm Of The Law

I was proceeding down my street where I live on my day off when I heard a Tory ... a toff ... a cabinet minister say: “You f***ing idiot ... moron ... pleb” to a mate ... a cop ... a diplomatic protection officer in next door’s garden ... somewhere in London ... in Downing Street.

M’Lud.

***