Divided Nation

Rochester and Strewth, Emily, what were you

thinking of?

***

Sins Of The Father

... And one day, son, all this will be

UKIP's

***

Scot Free-ish

Just for a wee moment there I thought that

Idi Amin wasn't going to be the last

King of Scotland

after all.

***

The Neutralisation Of The Haggis

They said YES would vote with their hearts.

They said NO would vote with their heads.

In fact

Scots voted with their wallets.

***

Smoked Salmond

Alex Salmond's Plan B.

***

End Of The Pier Show

And to think, George, when Lynton said:

"Burning Piers - good photo op"

I thought he meant Piers Morgan!

***

It's a Cam-Junck

We did it, Camo my boy!

We isolated 26 member states!

Now we can reform whatever we please together.

Let's have a Cognac to celebrate.

***

With Friends Like These...

Enjoy your Champagne moment, Mr Juncker.

The hangover is going to be very difficult to shift.

***

Employee Of The Decade

I always thought it took two, Baby.

***

See also:  Headline Grabbers

Dave's Penalty Shoot-out

C'mon you Juncker!

***

Only Sing When You're Winning

Very pleased to announce the launch of our new band:

3 Plebs and a Toff.

Our debut single will be a cover of the classic by

Europe: The Final Countdown.

***

Bringing Achilles To Heel?

MAY:  If I were in your shoes, matey, I'd tread carefully.

GOVE:  If I were in your shoes, dear, I'd look a right Nancy Boy.

***

The VEEP Effect

Right, this is definitely next year's Christmas Card.

***

Update:

Hammond Plays Battleships

I can assure the House that the closure of Portsmouth

has nothing to do with the Scottish Independence referendum.

It's a matter of cost: Glasgow labour is cheaper as we

can get away with paying them with 

deep-fried Mars bars.

***

Divali Dave

Christ, Sam. I think I've got an

infra-red rifle sight trained on my forehead.

***

Remember This? Headline Grabbers

Back in the day at The News Of The World

we were Old School.

If it shagged we nailed it.

From 3.6.2013.

***

Victory Salute

Save it, Manu, for when I win outright 

in May 2015.

***

The Vodka And Borsch Brigade

And is there honey still for tea in Grantchester?

***

Putin On The Style

A vast expanse of soulless desert.

And as for his country...

***

Heir To Blair's Disaster

Sorry, Barack, but there was nothing I could do:

this was an outright blue on blue chemical attack.

***