Heat Of The Moment

People have a choice:

they can either wear their jumpers or eat them.

***

Space Monkey

That Roy Hodgson's got a bloody cheek if you ask me.

I certainly took offence.

***

Stop And Smear

Good Cop, Bad Cop and WTF? Cop.

***

14 Seconds: Welcome to a Police State by Stealth.

***

The Price Is Wrong

We'd love to sell our Royal Mail shares

but unfortunately they've been lost in the post.

***

Para-Norman

This is a full-length bus tour of Narnia -

so bagsy me be the Wardrobe.

***

Slash But Don't Burnham

I stood up to Murdoch.

I stood up to Dacre.

But Andy Burnham was an autocrat too far.

***

The Marxist Marksman

Are you absolutely certain that Paul Dacre

will be driving along this road, Mr Miliband?

***

Picture courtesy of Daily Mail

SIW

Personally I don't believe it's hypocritical

to write a fawning begging letter to Mr Dacre

and then to publicly slag him off

when he doesn't give me a job.

***

Summertime Blues

The World Cup will be played in Qatar.

It will be played in summer.

It will be played on XBox with FIFA 14.

***

He Ain't Heavy He's My Dad

The reason that it falls to me, rather

than my brother, to defend our father is that

David doesn't read the Daily Mail.

***

The Dough Bringer

Do I use a breadmaker?

Several actually. They all work in the City.

***