Perfect Twitter Storm

And today we announce the launch of the new

Tosser Button

Click on it before sending

your tweet and if it is inapproprite

TOSSER

will flash up on your screen.

***

The Lads Co-operative

... will be sold in modesty bags in future.

***

Pray Day Loans

Yeah - interest on 5k comes out at...

...er... yeah, five loaves and two fishes.

***

Proper Shouty Crackers

...and every home will have to

opt in for porn Guido Fawkes.

***

George's First Words

Abdication  Abdication  Abdication

***

Bill Minor

I dunno, the lengths some people will go to

to avoid the bedroom tax.

***

And In Other News...

Kate goes into Labour.

Labour goes into intensive care.

***

Not News Is News

Alas... Jones.

***

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

Don't worry about Miliband - he's

flogging a dead kangaroo.

***

The Party Must UNITE

Ed, message from Len. He says:

Now that things have gone quiet and

the media circus has moved on

DO AS I FUCKING TELL YOU.

OK?

***

NHS: Slash & Burnham

Resignation? Dead certainty.

***

Fiscal Deterrent

We need trident like we need

a hole in the budget.

***

USP

Our policy is very clear:

We will introduce a completely new kind of shop - separate to

supermarkets, wine shops and newsagents -

which sell, exclusively,

plain-packaged cigarettes

minimum-priced alcohol

and warm pasties with added VAT

especilaly for those who wish to take advantage of these

consumer items.

Everyone else can shop as normal.

***

As Broad As It's Long

I've always said, Belly, that you shouldn't Walk the Walk

unless you can Talk the Talk - and we can't

touch the Aussies in that regard.

***

Hawaii Heave-Ho

My first priority is to request an up-grade

in asylum to the VIP lounge.

***

His Clause 4 Moment

So, seriously, if I gave you some Smarties you

would affiliate to the Labour Party, right?

***

Trade Union Trade-in

...And big change to the political levy

will deliver small change to party coffers.

***

Part Of The Union

ROD: I'm a leftie, you know.

ED: I wish I wasn't.

***

Sportsman Of The Eras

You see, Fred: This is how to dress.

Not some ropey old polo shirt.

***

Red On Red

Can you hear me, Buddha?

***

Confused Of Westminster

Excuse me, Len.

Is the Falkirk West Question the same as

The West Lothian Question?

***

They Made Him An Offer He Couldn't Refuse

Big Brothers are watching you.

***

Putting His Foot In It

Your mission, should you decide to accept,

is to render Ed Miliband unelectable.

(This subject will self-destruct in about 2 years)

***

Defending England

Just trying to show we are

institutionally anti-racist, sir.

***