borderline fools
sound bites you may have missed
Friday, 30 November 2012
Who Dares Gets Jailed
This is a 19mm Glock pistol.
One of the most powerful handguns in modern warfare.
Do you:
a). Use it to kill people.
b). Stick it on the wall.
Your choice.
Do you feel lucky, punk?
***
Thursday, 29 November 2012
So, Let's Regulate
And, finally, each copy of my report includes a scratch card.
First Prize:
A day's work experience with Glenn Mulcaire.
***
Wednesday, 28 November 2012
LOL!
He's a card is our Brian. The Report's
in the form of a tabloid complete
with cartoons and Texts Corner.
***
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Friends [The One Where They Screwed Each Other]
And, of course, Gordon will be my
Finance Minister.
***
Monday, 26 November 2012
The Devil You Know
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste.
***
He Looks Like Malcolm Tucker But He Hasn't Got His Charm
The new nick-name of the
Bank of England
is
The Old Lumberjack of Threadneedle Street.
***
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Happy Families
Reasons to bar potential Foster Parents:
Drunks
Drug Addicts
Murderers
Paedophiles
UKIP Voters
***
Saturday, 24 November 2012
Vote Winner
And can I just say "Thank you, Rotherham,
for the best free publicity that we at
UKIP could ever hope for.
[Even Michael Gove is rooting for us!]"
***
Thursday, 22 November 2012
They Couldn't Get Pep Guardiola
Have to say the old place has taken a bit
of a battering since I last worked here.
Lord Tony Hall
[
on returning to the BBC
]
***
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
Managers R Us
Drug addiction
Drink Addiction
Tobacco Addiction
Gambling Addiction
Sex Addiction
I get.
But...
Manager Addiction...?
***
Bishop To GSV3 - Checkmate
And who needs a female version of me, anyway?
***
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
Equality Control
Wisdom is the principal thing;
therefore get wisdom:
and with all thy getting get understanding.
But don't get
Women Bishops!
Proverbs 4.
***
So, Sally Can Wait
John always said my Latin would come in handy:
A-twit, a-twot, a-twut, a-twat
I'm off Twitter and that is that.
***
link:
'Bye Bye Tweetsville
Sunday, 18 November 2012
Dahlings - It's Diamonds!
You'd have thought the cheese
would have gone off by now.
***
link:
60 Years Of Catching Mice.
Saturday, 17 November 2012
Ballot Kept Secret
We've arrested this Polling Station
for wasting police time.
***
Friday, 16 November 2012
Lost Little Sausage
Prezza: I've been double-jagged.
***
For Whom The Bell Tolls
Don't shoot me - I'm only the cartoonist.
***
Thursday, 15 November 2012
Auntie's Prawn Crackers
China's ruling Communist Party has unveiled a new set of leaders.
[
actual caption to this pic on BBC website
]
***
link:
Auntie's Prawn Crackers.
Travis With My Auntie
Special Assignment:
Go to Bedfordshire.
Capture the Hairy Cornflake.
***
Tuesday, 13 November 2012
Hanging By A Thread
has been re-christened
Noosenight
***
link:
noosenight - probably
Tie-less In Gaza
I can't condemn George's payoff because
I'll be wanting the same when I
resign in a few weeks.
***
link:
The Great Deliverer.
see also:
Step Aside, Love;
Here Is Some Of The News;
Auntie's Charley
.
Monday, 12 November 2012
Step Aside, Love
I have today asked ALL personnel
at the BBC to step aside.
Whilst they do so they will be involved in
a new reality TV show to be called
Strictly Come Lancing the Boil.
[for which they will be paid a hefty
and controversial bonus]
***
Sunday, 11 November 2012
Here Is Some Of The News... [fill in the gaps yourself]
Due to shoddy journalism I have resigned as
Director General of the
British Bullshitting Corporation
***
link:
A Patten of Behaviour
see also:
Auntie's Charley
Saturday, 10 November 2012
Cloak & Shagger
The Office of Covert Affairs
is now
The Office of Public Affairs
***
Friday, 9 November 2012
Driller Pillar Of The Community
Women Priests, Same Sex Marriage and Gay Bishops?
Believe me, I am the perfect man to pour
oil on troubled waters.
***
Thursday, 8 November 2012
This Is How It's Done, Auntie
You sure this isn't your Christmas list, Phillip?
***
***
Wednesday, 7 November 2012
Women In Binders Say No
Mitt: still just a couple of letters short of
the full glove.
***
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
Jungle Dummy
Posh Boys don't know the price of milk.
Mad Nad doesn't know the price of fame.
***
Sunday, 4 November 2012
Baby Let Me Light Your Fire
You know I couldn't get much higher
Jim Morrison
***
link:
Armstrong's Last Goodnight.
Saturday, 3 November 2012
Prison Friendly 2: Shafter Shafted?
From ker-ching to ker-clink.
***
see also:
Prison Friendly
Something Of The Night About Them
.
Thursday, 1 November 2012
Toffs Put In Their Place
The Noes to the left 294.
The Plebs to the Right 307.
The Plebs have it. The Plebs have it.
***
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