I'm Cable And Shameless

Strictly Come Abstaining.

***

Leaking The Bleedin' Obvious

Shock News: The United States

slags off other countries without telling them!

***

A Socialist Expounds

RED ED: We have to go on a journey... so

jump aboard my moped everyone.

***

Very Cold Turkey

It's gonna be a

bootiful fooneral.

***

In-Flight Entertainment

Damned Commoners and their

breeding habits.

This country will rue the day after

April 29th, you mark my words.

***

Ed's Migrating Brain

The problem is 80% of my

information comes from

Gordon Brown.

***

Top Of The Mourning...

At least they've still got

one liquid asset.

***

Red Ed Comes Of Age

I am now a fully fledged

Opposition Leader

because I used the word

"Disgraceful"

whilst not wearing a tie.

***

No More Sitting For Stand-Up

ALEX: Tch, tch, Jason: knocked out of One for

knocking one out?

***

Berlusconi Loves A Mars

VENUS: Two little pricks in the office are

better than one, I suppose.

***

link:  Berlusconi Loves A Mars

*

Plighting The Troth

WILLIAM: Well I thought I'd make use of

my Mum's ring and my Dad's fidelity.

***

Royal Wedding Special

Austerity measures blah!

The Nation can afford it!

***

Your Starter For Five To Ten

Oh My God - someone's started a

fire down there!

I'd better chuck down this

extinguisher!

***

We Pledge To Break Our Promise

Drowning in clear yellow water.

***

140 Characters

Censored redacted expunged bowdlerized

erased stifled suppressed expurgated

screened edited revised squashed

repressed smothered.

Twittered.

***

I Could've Predicted A Riot

Look everyone!

This hammer miraculously appeared

in my hand!

***

Can't Pay, Won't Pay

...And we demand to be treated like adults:

we want an end to cheap booze in Union bars,

no more subsidized travel and

rent that properly reflects full commercial rates.

***

China 9, Liberty 37

GOVE: Dave, do you think now would be

a good time to mention the

Nobel Prizewinning Dissident...

OTHERS: Shuddup and keep drinking.

***

The Buck Stops... Er... Over There Somewhere

Water boarding...?

I'm told it's just like surf boarding but you

don't get the tan.

***

Who's Yer Uncle?

We haven't decided on a name yet - but it's not

going to be David.

***

One's Social Network

So... who's going to be first to

Poke the Queen?

***

Where There's Smoke

Penny for the fall-guy.

***

Smile!

CAMERON: And these are my own

personal paparazzi.

***

Backbench Rebellion

And I would say this to the House:

bollocks to you all.

***

Entente Hyper-Cordiale

CAMERON: And we'll call it the

Royal Air Frogs.

***

Ravin' Nutts

COP THROUGH MEGAPHONE:

All those taking substances like

Crack, LSD, Heroin and Crystal Meth

can stay and continue to party.

All those drinking alcohol will be arrested.

***

Goal Line Twatology

BECK:  Nani definitely handled.

CLATTENBURG:  Yeah. But I've got a bet on for 2 - 0.

***