Tough On Hoodies Tough On The Causes Of Hoodies

I've got so many ASBOs

I'm selling them on eBay.

***

Tomorrow And Tomorrow And Tomorrow...

And I put my new found longevity

down to the diet of

deep-fried Mars bars.

***

What Bloody Man Is This...?

MENENDEZ: And Scotland should consider this: the American Constitution

allows us to invade

any much smaller country that

doesn't do what we tell them.

***

link: Bloody Man

*

Synchronised Spinning

MILI-MAJOR: Damn. Should have worn a tie.

MILI-MINOR: Damn. Should be open-neck.

***

A Steep Non-Learning Curve

US SOLDIER:  Remind me again, buddy:

why did the Soviets pull out of

Afghanistan after ten years?

***

Brothers Disunited

I'm very pleased to be backed by

these big Unions.

Up yours, Bro.

***

A Baader-Meinhoff Day For Libel Laws

JUDGE: Are you now, or have you ever been,

a blogger?

KASCHKE: Yes. But if you repeat that I will

sue you for libel.

***

link: Baader-Meinhoff Day

*

I.T. - Rest In Despair

The picture shows quite clearly that there were

no policemen in sight

when the man tripped over.

***

800

'Chucker' has last chuckle.

***

Ratchetting Up Jacketgate

Jon Snow of Channel 4 News has asked the

Electoral Commission

to decide whether the jackets used by

Zac Goldsmith

in his election campaign were

"cool designer gear"

or just

"naff stuff from some bloke down the market".

***

link:  Jacketgate

*

Update:

Jon Snow has asked us to make it clear that it is

not

him in the above picture.

(We are pleased to do so as

borderline fools

always respects the right of reply)

*

No Cynics, Please, We're British

If this is what the Big Society is

then count me in!

***

We're Special

CAMERON: And we've gone from

Big Sociopath to Big Society

in one easy election!

***

Paternal Instinct

Er... I dunno. Could be. Put that one

on the "maybe" list.

Now that's definitely mine!

***

That Harry Lime Moment

I came back.... to haunt you.

***

Snowdrift

So, Mr Goldsmith, I'll ask you some

inconsequential nonsense about

jackets - then I will interrupt

everything you say, constantly talk over you,

whilst remaining completely

relaxed as the senior professional journalist

and broadcaster that I am.

OK?

***

link: Snowdrift

True Crimes

So Tony and Gordon were at each others' throats

the whole time they were  running the country!

What a hoot!

***

New Labour, Old Habits... 4

BROWN: So, Ed, I could play Damian McBride

to your Gordon...

***

see also:

New Labour, Old Habits... 1

New Labour, Old Habits... 2

New Labour, Old Habits... 3

&

Picture Of The Year 2009

*

New Labour, Old Habits... 3

Dear Ed,

I could play Alistair Campbell to your Gordon,

David's Tony and Yvette's Mandelson.

What do you think?

***

see also:

New Labour, Old Habits... 1

New Labour, Old Habits... 2

*

New Labour, Old Habits... 2

COOPER: Ed, I could play Mandelson to your

Gordon and David's Tony.

***

see also: New Labour Old Habits... 1 [below]

*

New Labour, Old Habits...

BALLS: Look, mate, I could play Gordon

to your Tony.

***

Grown-ups In Power

BROWN: Here's the deal:

You run the country then I'll ruin it.

***

The Brownfather

BLAIR: The day I woke up to this I knew I couldn't resist Gordon anymore.

***

Valet Parking

And if you look closely you'll see he's just like

a Golf driver.

***

Futile. Finished. Fucked.

When I said: "I've been humiliated enough"

I forgot there'd be memoirs.

***

see also:  The Battle For Labour's Soul

*

If The Future's Bright - Let's Hope It's Not Orange

And so the tone was set for

The Final...

Thanks For The Memories

Essentially, I always saw the New Labour project

as a money-making exercise.

Now I'm cashing in.

***

A Bit Of What You Flunkery Does You Good, My Lord

Gawd. No-one told me I had to read this garbage

and wear all this crap.

***

link:  Flunkery

*

Swat Swatted

GOVE: Yes, Ed, of course I apologise.

I apologise for being more intelligent, better looking, a much nicer chap

and, incredibly, even smugger than you.

***

Northumbria Police Move In

Moat sought at country home of former

MP Douglas Hogg.

***

Update:

Moat searched and found to be clean.

*

 

Civil Liz: The Queen Cuts Back

SUBJECT: Ma'm, give me back my 62p

and you'll only be one tupperware box down.

***

First Past The Poodle

Now, Nick. Let me explain:

Alternative Vote is also called Instant Run-off Voting -

i.e. the instant I win I'll run off and leave you.

OK?

***

Protection Racket

The fact that my Police Protection was

twice as expensive as Gordon's just goes to

prove what I have always said:

Gordon needs to get out more.

***

link:  Protection Racket

*

Playing In The Big League

The referendum on AV is a political football.

But it is MY political football.

And if you don't play to my rules I shall take it away...

and sulk.

***

The One Man Opposition

I'm quite happy to carry the flag for Labour

but it would be nice to get a bit of support

from the Leadership candidates.

***

And For My Next Trick...

I want everyone to think of laws that should be repealed.

I'll start.

David Laws.

***