Wednesday 28 July 2010

Tomorrow And Tomorrow And Tomorrow...


And I put my new found longevity
down to the diet of
deep-fried Mars bars.


***



What Bloody Man Is This...?


MENENDEZ: And Scotland should consider this: the American Constitution
allows us to invade
any much smaller country that
doesn't do what we tell them.


***



*


Tuesday 27 July 2010

Synchronised Spinning


MILI-MAJOR: Damn. Should have worn a tie.

MILI-MINOR: Damn. Should be open-neck.


***

Monday 26 July 2010

A Steep Non-Learning Curve


US SOLDIER:  Remind me again, buddy:
why did the Soviets pull out of
Afghanistan after ten years?


***

Sunday 25 July 2010

Saturday 24 July 2010

A Baader-Meinhoff Day For Libel Laws


JUDGE: Are you now, or have you ever been,
a blogger?

KASCHKE: Yes. But if you repeat that I will
sue you for libel.


***



*


Friday 23 July 2010

I.T. - Rest In Despair



The picture shows quite clearly that there were
no policemen in sight
when the man tripped over.


***



Thursday 22 July 2010

800


'Chucker' has last chuckle.


***

Wednesday 21 July 2010

Ratchetting Up Jacketgate


Jon Snow of Channel 4 News has asked the
Electoral Commission
to decide whether the jackets used by
Zac Goldsmith
in his election campaign were
"cool designer gear"
or just
"naff stuff from some bloke down the market".


***

link:  Jacketgate

*


Update:

Jon Snow has asked us to make it clear that it is
not
him in the above picture.
(We are pleased to do so as
borderline fools
always respects the right of reply)

*

Tuesday 20 July 2010

No Cynics, Please, We're British


If this is what the Big Society is
then count me in!


***

We're Special


CAMERON: And we've gone from
Big Sociopath to Big Society
in one easy election!


***


Monday 19 July 2010

Paternal Instinct


Er... I dunno. Could be. Put that one
on the "maybe" list.


Now that's definitely mine!


***


Saturday 17 July 2010

Snowdrift


So, Mr Goldsmith, I'll ask you some
inconsequential nonsense about
jackets - then I will interrupt
everything you say, constantly talk over you,
whilst remaining completely
relaxed as the senior professional journalist
and broadcaster that I am.
OK?


***


link: Snowdrift

True Crimes


So Tony and Gordon were at each others' throats
the whole time they were  running the country!
What a hoot!


***

Friday 16 July 2010

New Labour, Old Habits... 4


BROWN: So, Ed, I could play Damian McBride
to your Gordon...

***

see also:

&

*

New Labour, Old Habits... 3


Dear Ed,
I could play Alistair Campbell to your Gordon,
David's Tony and Yvette's Mandelson.
What do you think?


***

see also:

*


New Labour, Old Habits... 2


COOPER: Ed, I could play Mandelson to your
Gordon and David's Tony.


***


*

Thursday 15 July 2010

New Labour, Old Habits...


BALLS: Look, mate, I could play Gordon
to your Tony.


***


Wednesday 14 July 2010

Grown-ups In Power


BROWN: Here's the deal:
You run the country then I'll ruin it.


***


The Brownfather


BLAIR: The day I woke up to this I knew I couldn't resist Gordon anymore.


***


Tuesday 13 July 2010

Valet Parking


And if you look closely you'll see he's just like
a Golf driver.


***


Futile. Finished. Fucked.


When I said: "I've been humiliated enough"
I forgot there'd be memoirs.


***


*

Monday 12 July 2010

If The Future's Bright - Let's Hope It's Not Orange


And so the tone was set for
The Final...

Thanks For The Memories


Essentially, I always saw the New Labour project
as a money-making exercise.
Now I'm cashing in.


***


Thursday 8 July 2010

A Bit Of What You Flunkery Does You Good, My Lord


Gawd. No-one told me I had to read this garbage
and wear all this crap.


***


link:  Flunkery

*



Wednesday 7 July 2010

Swat Swatted


GOVE: Yes, Ed, of course I apologise.
I apologise for being more intelligent, better looking, a much nicer chap
and, incredibly, even smugger than you.


***


Northumbria Police Move In


Moat sought at country home of former
MP Douglas Hogg.


***
Update:

Moat searched and found to be clean.

*


 

Tuesday 6 July 2010

Civil Liz: The Queen Cuts Back


SUBJECT: Ma'm, give me back my 62p
and you'll only be one tupperware box down.


***

Monday 5 July 2010

First Past The Poodle


Now, Nick. Let me explain:
Alternative Vote is also called Instant Run-off Voting -
i.e. the instant I win I'll run off and leave you.
OK?


***


Sunday 4 July 2010

Protection Racket


The fact that my Police Protection was
twice as expensive as Gordon's just goes to
prove what I have always said:
Gordon needs to get out more.


***


*


Saturday 3 July 2010

Playing In The Big League


The referendum on AV is a political football.
But it is MY political football.
And if you don't play to my rules I shall take it away...
and sulk.


***





Friday 2 July 2010

The One Man Opposition


I'm quite happy to carry the flag for Labour
but it would be nice to get a bit of support
from the Leadership candidates.


***


Thursday 1 July 2010