Wednesday 31 March 2010

Dog Whistle Politics


Immigrrrrration
Immigrrrrrrrrration
Immigrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrration


***


Tuesday 30 March 2010

Old New Labour


And I ask you all to embrace Labour's
latest incarnation:
Sun Tan Socialism.


***

Thursday 25 March 2010

Oooh Arrrh, Darling


We all know that cider drinkers are
off their faces by mid-morning and couldn't find
their way to a polling station so no,
I don't think it's a vote loser.


***


Tuesday 23 March 2010

The Resourceful Masochists


HOON: Patsy, we've lost the whip.

HEWITT: Don't worry, Babes. Knowing us
we'll soon find another scourge.


***


Sunday 21 March 2010

Byers & Sellers


What I meant was that for
£5,000 a day I could guarantee you
a really nice front seat on a
National Express Coach.


***

Saturday 20 March 2010

Left Foot Mouthward


Shut yer mouth!
My Evidence Based Bloggin' is
INFALLIBLE.


***

Friday 19 March 2010

Oiling The Wheels


For £20 million?
Would I do it all over again,
the same as before?
Of course I would.

***


link:  Blair's Millions

Tuesday 16 March 2010

Scouting For Strikers?


No, I'm sorry. I can't give you any cash.
I'm the boss of United - not Unite.


***


Monday 15 March 2010

This Is Your Captain [And Paymaster] Speaking


And there are exits at the front, at the rear and over the wings of the 'plane.

But please wait until after take-off to use them, Gordon.


***


Thursday 11 March 2010

Snatching The Moment


BROWN: Do you think they'll name a train after me?

ADONIS: What, The Lying Scotsman?


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Monday 8 March 2010

Troops In


And finally I would just like to give you all this pledge:

If you die we'll buy you a coffin.
If you're maimed we'll give you rehab.
And if you suffer from PTSS
then we'll put you in jail.

Thank you. God bless.


***


Saturday 6 March 2010

The View From Mendacity Heights


Every request that military commanders made to us for
equipment was answered. No request was ever turned down.
Except, of course, requests for
more money.


***






Friday 5 March 2010

Moral Compass


We owe a debt of gratitude to all our
armed forces who served in Iraq
but, hey, let's lock up any soldier
who refuses to return to
Afghanistan for moral reasons.


***


Wednesday 3 March 2010

Tuesday 2 March 2010

Belize It If You Want


The reason why this is different from
Labour non-dom donors
and why it is such a scandal is that
Lord Ashcroft
didn't give the money to us.


***